Kevin and I recently returned from our advanced training at The Autism Treatment Center of America back in Massachusetts. Due to our tireless fundraising we were able to GO TOGETHER which was AWESOME! Thank you again to all of you who contributed to our cause.

We learned SOOOOO much. Or maybe I should say “re-learned.” Much of it was going deeper into what we already knew. We just took it to a different level. We talked a great deal about “technique” in the playroom with Ross, but we also spent a lot of time exploring our attitudes.

So this brings me to today’s blog. Barry Neil “Bears” Kaufman taught two classes while we were there. His sessions are fairly unusual and quite interesting. You may remember that he’s the man that, along with his incredible wife, Samahria, recovered their son from severe autism over 30 years ago. Since then they’ve been teaching all sorts of classes about autism and discovering your path to happiness. These are the cornerstones to the Son-Rise Program and being in the playroom.

Many of you have probably been wondering, “What the heck are you doing in that playroom, anyway?” I’ve been wanting to write about it for months, but just couldn’t find the words. But Bears said something that struck a chord with me. At the end of one of his sessions he said, “being in the playroom is like walking with God.” And certainly, to me, IT IS.

I’ve written before about joining your child’s exclusive and/or repetitive behaviors and that is the first thing we learned to do in this thing called the Son-Rise Program. It’s amazing that after you do that, your child suddenly will give you what we call “green lights” and this means you have the go-ahead to invite them to interact with you. So you “build” on whatever it is that they’re doing. If they’re pushing a car back and forth — maybe you make some noise. If they’re singing Chicka Chicka Boom Boom, maybe you become the coconut tree. It’s simple, it’s pure, it’s, most of all, FUN, and it really is like walking with God.

And while there are techniques to live by in the playroom, the most important aspect of the program is our ATTITUDE while we’re in there. It is important to be JOYOUS and excited that you are there. It is crucial to be PRESENT throughout the hour or two that you are playing. But, most of all (and I learned this last month), it’s critical that you completely and utterly LOVE Ross — with every fiber of your being.  I love that.

The biggest thing I have learned through all of this, is that “what happens in the playroom, doesn’t stay in the playroom.” This attitude stays with me throughout my day and my life. It seeps into all of my relationships. It has brought me to this very peaceful, happy place and I will genuinely always be grateful for having experienced it. I will always be a work-in-progress, but I’m closer to complete contentment than I’ve ever been. It makes sense to me that, if you have this with whatever it is that you do with your life…you’ll always be walking with God.

And who doesn’t want that?

Barry Neil Kaufman wrote this little book called Happiness is a Choice. It’s little in size, but what is written inside is HUGE. I mean HUGE. He writes about six shortcuts to happiness. The one I want to write about today is “being grateful.”

Back in June, I went to a wonderful fund raiser at the McConnell Estates Winery in Elk Grove, CA for a little boy named Hank. It was serendipity, of course, as to how I ended up there, but I instantly thought, “Well, I can do this!” Hank has a condition known as Parry Romberg Syndrome. I could write a whole blog about it, but simply put, his face will cave in if he doesn’t have several necessary surgeries. So Hank’s challenge is on the outside and Ross’s is on the inside. I feel bonded to Hank’s mother, nonetheless, because she and I are both going to the ends of the earth for our children.

We had a lifesize cutout of Ross at the entrance. FREAKY!

So, back to being grateful. I decided right then that I would do a “wine tasting” event too! It would have a raffle and a silent auction. And I set out to do it. I, quite naively, set the date for only two months away…September 12th. I put an all points bulletin out for committee members to help me, and I was ON MY WAY!

Well, after weeks and weeks of planning, scheming, and Facebooking, September 12th finally came. A few weeks prior I had this nightmare that no one showed up and then it rained on my raffle prizes. So when I woke up that Sept. 12th morning and Kevin said, “It’s been raining this morning,” I told him he’d better not tease me like that. But sure enough it WAS raining. In fact, although the day before it was 100 degrees, this particular day was wet, cold and windy! Not ideal for an outdoor event, for sure.

Again, back to being grateful…the event started at 6pm and, sure enough, the wind stopped, the jazz band started playing and the clouds cleared. It was this spectacular evening under the stars! Just as I envisioned it would be. And people SHOWED UP! My dream was just that, a stress-induced dream. The reality was far more beautiful than I could have ever imagined.

I am so grateful for everything. I am grateful for the weather cooperating. Thanks Momma Nature! I’m so grateful for my committee. Ann Marie, Sheila, Maureen, Dawn, Michael, Caroline, Valerie, Dianna, Jeff, and Ramie. (I hope I didn’t leave anyone out!) I’m grateful for the wonderful Sacramento Youth Jazz Band! I can’t say enough about them! It set the whole tone. I’m grateful for the Elk Grove Grocery Outlet for bringing the bomb of appetizers. I’m grateful for The Magic Forrest for going around and doing magic for everyone…so much fun. I’m especially grateful for everyone showing up!! It meant so much to me. I’m also grateful for Mike for being one helluva’n emcee. He was so, SO funny. And Jeff Mayo Photography….incredibly cool to have him there taking portraits.

Tricia, me, and Ramie! FUN!

There’s so many more people I can thank: the high school volunteers, the winery employees, the other restaurants, THE SPONSORS! Oh yeah…and the prize donors. Too many to thank here! So cool.

Our Son-Rise Volunteer Table

So I’m left with being incredibly grateful. I’ve said it a hundred times already, but Ross’s Autism has been a special gift to me. It has brought connection into my life like I have never felt it before. Connection with Ross. Old connections. New connections. Re-connections.

So THANK YOU! A special thank you to everyone who either came, donated, or just put out positive thoughts of success. I am truly, TRULY GRATEFUL.

Not the best Photoshop job...but hey I'm with Eric!

IF ONLY I WOULD HAVE KNOWN SOONER. This is the new autism parent’s mantra. And I’m here to say, it’s a huge waste of time. Even if I were the Time Traveler’s wife (which is unfortunate, ‘cuz that Eric Bana is HOT!) there is no guarantee that knowing earlier would have made any difference. I mean, think about it. If we had started kindergarten a year earlier, we would have a completely different set of friends. If we had met our current spouse in college instead of later in life, well…he would have been the first husband instead of the actual first husband…

I don’t know what else to really say about this subject, except that I really wanted to Photoshop myself into The Time Traveler’s Wife poster instead of that silly Rachel McAdams and so there ya go! Next time you feel yourself thinking, “I wish I would have known sooner,” forget it! There is just no way you would have known sooner…you KNOW NOW. That’s all that matters. That’s all that ever really matters.

BEFORE

As far as I can tell, everyone I have known to come back from the Option Insitute (the home of the Autism Treatment Center of America and the Son-Rise Program) is a changed person. In a great way of course. My husband was no exception. Since I’ve known him, Kevin always has…well…how do I say this…taken the long way to making a decision. This has never been a big deal to me, truly, but he always consulted me…his Dad…his mom…his colleagues…the grocery store clerk…everyone…before he would go forth with a decision about something.

“TGFI — Thank God for Insurance!” That’s all I have to say!

 

Check out the Hollywood lighting!

But the change was apparent with both of us. First of all, they came and tore out everything and replaced it with what I called the “Mack Truck.” It was this huge humidifier that was the loudest thing I’d ever heard. It took four days for it to dry out the floor so we slept on the couch and LazyBoy because it was impossible to sleep anywhere near the bathroom! And let’s face it, having all these people coming in and out of your house and making all kinds of weird, loud noises is the ultimate in inconvenience.

Ahhhh...much better!

It just hit home to me that happiness really is a choice. We can choose to let things bother or frustrate us or we can choose happiness. This applies to little things like bathrooms or big things like autism. For those of you that want to find a path to happiness, The Option Institute offers much more than Son-Rise. It’s the Option Principles that led Barry (Bears) Neil Kaufman and his wife Samahria to create the Son-Rise Program to begin with.

Love, Lorna

P.S. Isn’t my little bathroom just beautiful?!?!?!?

“Hey Guuuurl.” Ross was looking right at her. “Are you wearing sunglasses?”

Ross goofing it up in the playroom!

“No, these are not sunglasses,” the little girl said with confidence, looking right back at Ross. I waited to see if there would be any more exchange and when there wasn’t and Ross was still looking at her, I added, “She needs her glasses to see, Ross, just like Arthur.”

“Glasses to see.” Ross repeated, almost as if to try the phrase on for size…not because he didn’t understand what I said.

I had NEVER ever heard Ross talk this way to anyone before…certainly not to another child. Before the diagnosis, Ross would completely ignore the other kids. Completely. At his Communicatively Handicapped class I only witnessed him saying “hi.” Never had I witnessed him asking a question of another little person. And it wasn’t even a request, which he mastered a LONG time ago. It was a conversation. A CONVERSATION! Well, it wasn’t a long one, but it was a conversation none the less!

I’ve felt for quite some time that we are on the right path with our Son-Rise Program, not sending Ross back to school, our adjustments in diet and supplements. BUT this was proof positive that WE ARE ON THE RIGHT TRACK!  A miracle.

And then to top it all off, when my friend Sheila (Ross’s Godmother) came over, Ross ran to the door and exclaimed, “Hey, Auntie Sheila!” Then he ran back to me and said, “Hey, Mom, Auntie Sheila is here!” When Sheila pointed out that Elmo was on his butt, he looked down and giggled. Which, of course, made us all giggle. The last time Sheila came to our house, it was before Son-Rise and Ross would take 20 minutes to warm up to anyone who would come over.  (That reminds me, Sheila…you need to come over more often!)

Like I said, I didn’t need proof, but it’s here, every day, every moment. Ross is changing. I’m changing. The “glasses I see the world with” is changing. The world is saying, “Hey Guuuurl! What glasses are you wearing today?”

Ross & Kevin at River Cats Game! The ultimate in FLEXIBILITY

When I was a little girl, my mother would always try and teach me to float. She somehow had it in her head that no matter what type of swimming situation you found yourself in, you could survive — as long as you could float.

So summer after summer, much to my chagrin, she would interrupt my play time and make me float. Ugh. I don’t ever remember my brothers being subjected to this, but since they are older than I, I’m assuming they had their turn. I’m sure they were happy that it was mine.

I’ve been thinking, lately, that my expertise in floating has infiltrated my life in other ways. “Go with the flow.” “Surrender.” “Go where the tide takes you.” I’ve always been a pretty flexible person, but the universe has been testing my floating skills a lot lately. I mean A LOT! And no matter how dire the situation, I never sink. I somehow always float.

Nothing has tested this ability more than autism. But here are some things that have happened in the last two weeks that, like my mom, interrupted my warm and fuzzy playtime:

• My master bath toilet blew up and ruined the floor. Nice. BUT…I get a shiny new bathroom, complete with new vanity and flooring!
• I came down with a little tummy bug. For the sake of my readers, I won’t go into detail with that one.
• I broke my pinky toe. And no…there is nothing a doctor can do about it.
• All but one of my Son-Rise volunteers bailed on me this week.
• I spent countless hours designing and redesigning my new website. Very frustrating at times.
• We are now officially down to one income this month. When you are used to two, it is PAINFUL.

Even through all of this craziness, I’m floating. So I think my mama had it right all along! Ironically, flexibility is something we are practicing and teaching in our playroom. Kids with autism have an incredibly hard time with it. I try to add something new to whatever we are doing. I’ll put on a hat or I’ll change up the story and see how Ross handles it. The more control over his body, his life, we give him, the more flexible he’s becoming.

But, more importantly, I have to model flexibility if I ever want Ross to know what it is and what it looks like. So — I’m floating.

Moms sure do know what they’re doing, don’t they?!?!

“I want a piece of round bread!”

It took Ross about 20 times telling me this before I realized he wanted one of his glazed gluten free donuts. It was as if I were torturing him. So in order for me to stay true to making him eat something halfway healthy (being the good mom that I am), I made him eat a piece of his gluten free bread before I’d give him the prized donut.

After many dramatic, yet small, bites of his bread, I finally gave in and gave him the donut. He instantly charged out of the kitchen in a big grump.

I was nonplussed since this is not a new phenomenon at our house and so I sat back down at the computer desk to organize some paperwork. A few seconds later, a little head peaked around the corner and said, “I love you.”

Ross toodled over to me, grabbed my arm, leaned against my shoulder and cuddled with all smiles. I kissed his little head and thought about how far we’ve come. How wonderful. He then looked up at me and announced, “How ’bout we hug the donut?” Yes, Ross, let’s do that! This, of course, made me laugh out loud!

He toodled out of the room and we went about the evening. Bathtime. Storytime. Bedtime.

With Ross sound asleep, I started straightening up and I found the uneaten “round bread” on the coffee table — with all of the glaze sucked off!

When Ross was diagnosed with Autism the only thing I knew to do was to read. This is not always the best thing, and, quite honestly, I should not have done it. But I wanted to make it alright, as all mothers want to do.